Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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