Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
