Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
