Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am spending my child support on dildos
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
