If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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