I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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