How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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