im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
