I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize