People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
