I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize