I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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