my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
