People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im part way to drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
