After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
