it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
