I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
