my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
