she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
