thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
