we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
