yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
