my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
