East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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