I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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