Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
