did you get engaged???
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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