the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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