Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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