census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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