I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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