dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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