I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize