Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
