I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Welp...herpes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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