We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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