so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
