I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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