i need an iv and a liver transplant
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
