a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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