I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
