I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
