We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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