Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
