Got a toothbrush?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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