Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
