her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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