you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
