oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
