I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
