i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You are the jesus of drinking
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
