my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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