the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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