We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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