You're completely useless in the revolution.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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