I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
