Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
