im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is Oprah even human
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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