Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Acid is not a monday night drug
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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