walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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