You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
