My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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