Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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