This is not my ceiling
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
