Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
