Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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