I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
