Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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