when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.