community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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